Taking  back my oomph!!

So many times in life I set the schedule, I mark on the calendar, I look in the mirror and say this time damn it, this time I am going to take back my oomph.

Every single time it all works out for nine days, YES nine, WHY who the fuck knows. Maybe cause seven is to short and by day eight I am finding the excuses. There is no reason why well-being is not pouring into our experiences. In precise detail in response to all of the things that you and I have identified that we want…. Other than the fact that we are in a bad mood or angry OUR OOMPH is lost to the chuck it Wagon. 

I know what your thinking, here you go again Tammy, here you go again on your I’m gonna do it this time round table, but you know what I am doing differently than last time…. I keep on keeping on. I don’t allow the day to wrap me up in a blanket and swaddle me with my binkey in my mouth. I am taking back my OOMPH, if your with me.

No I am not going to plan, I am not going to schedule I am going to feel how I feel and KNOW that no matter how the days goes, it is not going to get away from me.. BOOM drop the mic.

-thatswuzup!

It all began with “ME”

It Begins with Me

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions?

*WHY don’t they stop verbally abusing me?

*WHY does the hate they have for me, have to be shown with their fist?

*WHY was I dropped off to fend for myself?

*WHY did the abuse have to happen, as if everyone around me was blind to it?

*Am I surviving or thriving?

*Was it me?

The events that caused these questions fueled my thoughts on emotional abandonment.  For years, they eroded my spirit and for most my life they became excuses and justification for the challenges in my life… for the weight I wanted to lose, for the love I wanted to create for the women I wanted to become.

The memories of my past became my excuses to overeat and treat others horribly. They were the things that kept me from accomplishing goals. They manifested fear that kept me from living out my dreams. They began to overwhelm my relationships so much that all I did was blame others for not loving me enough. As if it was their job to fix me.

I was unable to be truthful or transparent because I was constantly re-living my past over and over again. I was choosing to live in the past, even worse I was using the emotions created from my past traumas to affect the present moment.

It took me over twenty years to realize that all my doubts, fears, worth and struggles all started with me.

I was choosing to act and be ashamed of the list of words other people defined me as. Fat, Ugly, stupid, liar, faker. Those definitions, those words, I imbedded them so deep into my soul, that my soul forgot what purpose it was sent here to do.

Then the day came, the day I decided to take back my thoughts, my actions, my life, my mindset and the definition of self that others labeled me as.

I was fired from a Job, no, an organization that I gave my blood, sweat, time, and tears too. I was told once again that I was not worth anyone’s time and that my skills, the skills I bought into, were no longer wanted nor needed. I was crushed. I was outside myself; I was beyond help.

The pain I have endured my whole damn life had finally finished me off. Put a fork in me I was done. But I knew deep down there was a lesson in everything and I was determined to find what that lesson was. I pulled the fork out and got to work.

I began to recognize and be aware of the triggers that would set my mind swirling. Triggers that tricked my thoughts that lead to the wrong actions. I began to change the words I said to myself, I began to break down the false teachings from others. Most importantly I began to forgive.

I forgave me, for abandoning myself throughout my adult years. I forgave myself for allowing my inner critic to control so much of my life. I forgave the poor decisions I made, I forgave the acts of lies and manipulations I put on myself as well as other people.

As the walls came down and the trust of vulnerability went up, I began to set boundaries on family relationship, and boundaries within my environment. This transition began to build up my faith, my confidence, my worth and my love for self.

I changed the way I thought about my life, and that began to change the way I felt about life. It all began with ME.

I began to emotionally forgive my parents, family members, and the bullies in school.  I laid down the truth and never allowed the lies to cover me up and consume me again. I released the excuses and the justifications around my hate.

I disrupted the negative thoughts, I mediated to find solid ground, I rediscovered my intuitive abilities and I TOOK BACK MY LIFE.

After seven long years; I am still amazed at my transformation. I am confident, I am worth, I am ENOUGH. I have become. I am so grateful for that organization that fired me.

The lesson was to transitions.

The lesson was to guide others.

The lesson was to live my TRUTH.

The lesson was to shift my mindset to develop new tools to pull from when the rough days hit. The lesson was to Love myself.

All it took for ME to do that “ALL began WITH ME.”

Transcending

Imagine we are looking at each other face to face trying to decide if we are going to work out today or if we are going to go to IHOP and enjoy CARBS instead!!!! In this moment we are searching for Self Esteem from ourselves as well as from each other. What if I was looking you in the face and I told you that there is such a thing as negative Self Esteem.

You see for the longest time I thought I had low self Esteem, but after being fed up with life I began to search for me. I realized I had self esteem but it was negative self esteem, meaning i was gaining self esteem through negative ways. “I judged”. I was judging others. I viewed other people with jealousy, I put them down to build myself up. I was so afraid of facing my own fears of life that all I did was judge others to make myself feel better about myself. I was building self esteem alright, negative and deconstructive self esteem.

I want to talk to you about my Perception of negative self esteem, I think of it like one of those group painting session, you know the ones where your friends, or partner get together you sit down in front of a blank canvas and the instructor teaches you all how to paint the same painting. But as your painting you notice yourself scopeing out the competition to see if anyone’s is worse or just as worse as your painting or you negatively throw up that self esteem and you show yours off as if you are michaelangelo so you can hide the fact that you are bullying everyone in the room.  You see I was putting a mirror up and hiding behind. I placed the mirror towards the crowd so I couldn’t see the true me. Causing my perception of what I thought was positive self esteem was actually negative self esteem shattering my foundation of self love.

 We come to many crossroads in life, and this happend to be mine. This concrete (aka self love) I poured was sideways and bumpy. So i got that old  jack hammer out and I began to hammer the shit out of it. Granted it was the toughest damn rock I have ever broken into,but I did it. With each piece of stone I began to see myself just as I was, no expectations, no judgement, no societal perception, no race to run just hammering away slow and steady to get back to loving me. 

This journey was 10 years ago and I am so happy and grateful now that I am looking at my self, face to face, having those tough life altering conversations, checking myself, holding myself accountable for my actions, and beginning to create a positive Self Esteem persona. Cause, dammit sometimes I just want to enjoy CARB’Swith a clear conscious. 

We have to put in the hard work. Face the mirror and know that true personal growth is about transcending the part of you, that you don’t like.

–thatswuzup!

You have something in your teeth.

How do you deal with having a conversation with someone for almost an hour and then walk into the bathroom and notice that you have something in your teeth? Your mind begins to race cause here you are thinking “why didn’t they tell me I had something in my teeth, holy shit how long has it been in my teeth I ate like 4 hours ago, who else have I spoke to.” Most of the time it is hard as hell to  Laugit off, thinking o well life goes on,  the self criticize shoots up like a rocket.  What started as something in your teeth begin to go deep into the rabbit hole of how stupid, lazy, dirty, or even how you can never get anything right.

What if they did tell you, you had something in your teeth? How do you take it in? Embarrassment comes up, more painfully being judged. When we are judged by embarrassment we put on those self-sabotaging shoes and begin to believe the thoughts that our in our head thinking we absolutely know what the other person is thinking or telling other people. Ask yourself what does it matter, where in your life can you examine where the thoughts of others began to affect you. As we begin the journey in personnel growth you have to grow to understand the meaning in suffering. With growth I ask you, What if the other person had something in their teeth. Do you tell them, do you judge them, are you even embarrassed for them?

Life can come with all kinds of roadblocks, we either go around them or avoid them, but what would it feel like if we simply figured out how to get through them. You see Life is happening, and it is not about how we react to it, it is all about how we respond to it. 

What are you pretending not to know about “YOU”

In the mindset of self-awareness:

I often pretend not to know what or how to lose weight. Then one day I woke up and realized that I know what to do, I just don’t want to do it!!!!

We often play these sea saw moments of life when our emotional intelligence is pulling to take over to say “HEY pay attention to what I am trying to tell ya, i am here to help” BUT we don’t wanna cause then we would have to work on loosing weight. Back and forth we go until we are tired of riding the ride.

If you are not ready to exercise, or if you are not ready to change your eating habits, then start off by creating a space for yourself to mentally prepare for the actions that need to change for you to accomplish whatever it is your pretending to not know. Allow yourself time to be one with yourself to connect to be mindful of the changes you want to make. Everyone’s process of change is like fingerprints, they are not the same. You have to mentally find your process, wether it be writing, talking, thinking, or drawing. It is your journey, your process let it be where you need it just as long as you are Self-Aware of “YOU”

THATSWUZUP!

3 Step methodology into personal growth 

G T G= Gratitude, Thought Process, and Group. When we have all three of these rocking and guiding us we will always be GTG (good to go)!

GRATITUDEGratitude is a powerful process for shifting energy and bringing more of what you want
in life. Be grateful for what you have, not just what you want.

Toothpaste, gas in the car, food,love, the end of a break up from a not so nice person, gut feelings,
etc. etc. etc.

“One day I was driving 10 MPH over the 65 MPH on the freeway, until this car pulled in front of me causing me to slam
on my breaks. I knew then, shit I better slow down. Still watching this car; the car was about 5 cars
ahead of me, i saw this car swerve and hit the median. After avoiding the rest of the traffic I realized the cars was swerving to avoid hitting a dog that was loose on the freeway. You see, if that car would have not pulled out in front of me I would have never slowed down and it would have been me who was upside down on the median. I was grateful. I was grateful that the universe pulled me in the proper direction.”

You see, we often forget about what we have and complain about what we don’t. Gratitude can
transform common days into glorious nights, turn routine jobs into doing what you truly want and
love. Gratitude is we get what we give and can change the ordinary opportunities into a new life.

THOUGHT PROCESS: dictionary says thought process means ” The process of using your mind to
consider something carefully”

Your thought creates your reality, if you don’t like your reality then change your thought

When we think negative: I’m never gonna find the love of my life, I’m never gonna get out of this
debt, I’m never gonna be fully happy, I’m never gonna be able to do enough. THEN THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMETHING GOES WRONG. 

take a thought you always think…. does thinking that thought bring you peace or stress, Which one
helps you function better? change that thought you will change how you function. Mayo Angelou wrote ” If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking, you might find a new solution”

Stop and think this—– The concept of accepting your past/future to simply believe the impossible is possible—- put the energy of positive thinking out in the world in your present day— stand back see what happens and above all—don’t get in your way, don’t go back to the negative… Ain’t no one got time for that.

GROUP/COMMUNITY:

The more the merrier… it takes a village.. two heads are better than one… All these adages speak to the potential of a positive group being more productive, more creative, and more motivating than doing things alone.

Put yourself in a group of you’s… what group or community would you put yourself in? AA, weight watchers, spiritual guidance, fitness gym, breast feeding group, mom’s rule group?

Whatever group/community outlet (when I say community I don’t mean food kitchen or shelter) I mean a place that has like minded people who need to lean and learn on each other and from each other… support each other. To be apart of something greater contributes to our own greatness. We can’t control other people, what other’s think of us, has nothing to do with us. But we have the ability to help ourselves in whatever capacity that is. Having a group or community to help support us and push us along only enhances that experience.

I know what some of you are thinking.. OVAYYY groups. Putting yourself out there is uncomfortable, but the truth is we have to get uncomfortable to grow!!! In today’s world we have so many outlets that can jumpstart our search for the type of groups wether it be listening to a podcast, reading a blog, or simply going to a group fitness class.

You see once we find a group or community that guides us to our true selves, we never go back to the old us, cause the new us is to0 busy spreading our energy, our joy, our waking moment to everyone else. Get uncomfortable.. Begin to build yourself up to greatness. 

BEING PRESENT

NO WORRIES NO CRY:

You know that squirrel from ICE AGE, that is always chasing that damn nut cause he is so worried he will loseit. Yet just when he thought he has lost it BOOM it appears. That is what you look like in your brain when you worry.
Most of us are not present in our lives cause we worry about the things the unknown. I ask you… “WHY ARE YOU PUTTING SO MUCH ENERGY INTO SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER??”
Try this, surrender, before you curse me out saying screw that, let me give you a tool on how to do this.. It is done by changing your THOUGHT from worry to gratitude. Instead of making a TO DO list or HOLY SHIT list make a list of what you are proud of and grateful for right now this moment. — Here is mine–
Laughter, Language, music, light, love, 4 walls, CHOCOLATE!!, my wife, my son, the source energy that surrounds me.
You have to begin to realize your past is in the past, stop giving it power in your present. Same goes for the future. Live in the present.
Begin to build yoru own source of energy of being present in life. The things we want in life already exist we have to stop the chatter in our heads long enough to attract them.

 

 

 

What is your truth?

I was abandoned by family, I’ve had to pick myself up off the floor several times. I have been lied too, I have lied, my heart has crumbled, and you know what, that is a majority of everyone’s story.

Knowing your awareness of what your truth is, what you are still holding on to, and what always holds you back. I may have had a rough past, but the difference between then and now.. I made decisions and choices coming up from the dark that have been scary, vulnerable, and well worth it.

The question I ask you is, what are you going to do now? what do you choose now? cause you can either keep focusing on the past or you can focus and get what you want.

Write 5 things on a piece of paper that you truly want. MONEY, CAR, LOVE, CONFIDENCE, whatever it is…. ok now circle the one that you want more than anything. Seriously; the one that means the most to you. GTG

Ok. Everyday read the one you circled, everyday believe you can have it, Everyday feel that you have received “BELIEVE IN YOU” and boom!! the more you believe in yourself and jump into your desires is another step closer to you.

 Believe that anything even you, yes you are POSSIBLE. When you believe EVERYTHING will happen; thatswuzup

 Take a Stance

What is your non-negotiables???

What are the things in life that you want that you will not negotiate in having. Some say it would be an athletic partner, a kind heart, chocolate, and even beer. 

Why is it that if someone is in an abusive relationship people are quick to say get out, your gut tells you to get out of the relationship. Know how many of you when I said abusive relationship figured it was a husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend being physically abused. Most do, What if I brought it to your attention that I meant brother and sister, mother and daughter, father and son, Aunt and niece, or even co-worker to co-worker being verbally and emotionally abusive.

Why is it that we never want to see our transparency? Why don’t we realize that verbal and emotional abuse leaves a much longer and deeper scare than physical.

If you are in a relationship or know of someone that is in a relationship described above.

TAKE A STANCE, believe that all you have to do is leap and get out, all you have to do is support not judge people who are in a relationship like that. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HEARD. The leap is that easy, it’s the FEAR that over comes us. 

Every success story of anyone who has been abused and survived the end story goes like this ” I had,had enough and just left, I just walked out, it was the most amazing feeling in the world” ” I survived”

Take a stance, believe in your non-negotiables… I believe in you.

-thatswuzup!!

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